i miss you. your calls in the middle off the night [even though you were drunk], your laughter, your hugs, your everything. it's like someone turned off the lights and suddenly everything seems dull and boring. quite recently, this person, lets say B, said during conversation, i wasn't focusing on my studies, hence the results. i felt like i got slapped, not because i got insulted. because he was spot on right.
someone who had been a part of my everyday life for 3 years passed on quite recently. not that i'm glorifying him posthumously, but he was every teacher's dream student and every parent's dream child. hardworking, studious, etc. it isn't fair, the way he went. but back to the point. it was in the middle of prelim 1, and i turned up for the funeral. many others did not. i don't know if the others scored better than me. this was 1 instance when i couldn't put studies first, not when someone i know for 3 years is no more, and that may be my last chance to see him.
Paul said he was proud of me. studies does not always come first. however, up till the end, he was studying non-stop. i wonder, if he had rested instead of studied, would he had have a higher chance of recovering? paul said, "maybe, but if it were meant to be, then it is". i cried, for one, because i didn't know what to do. here was my best friend, someone 19 going on 20, telling me his experiences. telling me i am never alone. telling me i had his love and blessings. telling me to move on after every set back. telling me he loved me. but that did not solve my problem. how can people's life go on as per normal, after the loss of someone who has been a part of their daily life for 3 years? up till now, when i look at anything that reminds me of him, i feel pain. not the pain of S and J, but real pain. he is never coming back, and we can no longer be friends. paul, i'm sorry to have kept you awake the whole night. but we talked alot, and that got me to understand many things.
SYF may have ruined my prospects of getting a fully subsidised scholarship. that's alright. sometimes, you just have to settle for second best. but this time, i don't think second best will do, not unless someone else volunteers to sponsor me. the fees are still too high, and paul can't stay here any longer. ns has been tough on him, anyone can see that. but from that boy, he has become a man. and i, still a girl. we won't fit in together much longer, and i can only wait while he moves on with his life. i've got o's this year and i really don't know what to do. my heart seems to heavy to focus.
B, if you were me, maybe you'ld understand. it's not that easy to move on when your dreams for the future have been crushed. by your mistake, that's ok. but by others. people who don't know the consequence of their mistakes. my best subject is music. the door to music just slammed shut in my face. how would you feel if you were denied of your birthright? i was brought up and groomed to do that. now someone is telling me i can't because of the mistakes of others. missing cello bow, now missing violin bow. don't quite know what to say.
anyways, paul's gonna leave us quite soon. anyone wanna plan a party for him?
Hi all. Study session didn't go too well today. Met SOMEONE at bus stop. Happened to take same bus as SOMEONE to the same destination. In the bus, SOMEONE gestured for me to go over a few times. I shook my head a few times. Turns out SOMEONE-ELSE'S mother was on the bus. Problem was that i didn't see SOMEONE-ELSE'S mother, but my guess was that SOMEONE-ELSE'S mother went home and told SOMEONE-ELSE. Oh great. SOMEONE-ELSE, why you go say SOMEONE is my boyfriend? You know got vely
BIG misunderstanding that I must clear up? Tyvm. Even " eh hem" has heard about it. He's spamming my phone now. Wants to know what is going on. So SOMEONE-ELSE, you want tell him? Or must i do the telling for your mistake? Damn pekcek already lahh huh?
So met the people for study session. Uncle ahh uncle. Need show cigarette box to everyone? Honestly now I don't mind people smoking, as long as not in front of me. But.... ahh never mind. At least i know what to give you for your birthday, and no "eh hem", he is not so high among my circles as to get a smooch. Only the ladies get that, so unless P wants to de-ball him....
But back to the main point. SS, haiz. test confirm fail, unless, "eh hem", you want to tuition me? But no. Don't want to affect your O's because of some measly test. Let you go to your SAJC or wherever. By the time you read this, I hope things would have already been cleared up, or maybe you can gain some understanding from here....
Oh. Thanks for signing my NYAA Uncle Andy. Somemore on such short notice. Don't worry. Nanchiau no taekwondo. Anyway i old already, leg no more strength to kick, let alone swim. Oh. If need help, can call me. Wan earn more money. My budget super tight without resorting to illegal means.
look, i don't fucking know what your bloody problem is. you 2 started it first, can? call me smelly. i'm fine with that. but if you want to ask someone else, they'll say that you have no right to. on't try to provoke me. i'm not nice to provoke. i may not look like it but i have high level of endurence for such crap. don't believe? ask aound. i have no qualms about breaking your finger or hand. in anyway you 2 bitches don't even bother to study, so it is more or less wasted on you 2. give it to someone who will cherish it more. back to the point. did i do anything to offend you? ok. maybe you want to count the time in sec 1 orientation when i spoke up for liting and you told me to shut up. fine, since i spoke without asking you. but wait. do you have to be so damn bloody rude to tell people to "shut up"? as far as i can see, NO. so why? why avoid me? saw me on the mrt scared already issit? then why can't you approach me alone? need that fat and ugly sidekick of yours to cover your butt issit? why? hands to small to cover your arse arh? oh wait. you don't even have a butt. too "pretty" and skinny already.
so how now? want to spread your propaganda? fine. i'm used to being disliked. you're playing a game that i will most likely last through. remember, i got one less year than you because you are more lazy and unwilling to work hard during psle. you can play at people, make us feel alone, but you will never manage. why? because i know that even if i don't have anymore friends in this hellhole, i still have people who care more about me at home and outside. more importantly, i have myself and you, no matter how hard you bitch, can never take that away from me.
if you are so stupid as to try, know that i, unlike you, am not a coward, and will not call any backup. why? if this is my problem with you, we settle it like that. not with any sidekicks or related stuff. actions may hurt a man but words can kill. i want to tell you now that i am more or less dead inside, so kill me? want to try to kill a ghost? honestly i can't even feel pain anymore. i will not take revenge or tell teachers. why? because of the word "PITY". this is what i think of you. in correct english, you're "PITIFUL". bet thats a mouthful to you. so what if half the school may be on your side? my main purpose in school, unlike yours, is to study, not pick arguements, look attractive to guys, or get a boyfriend. i am there for a reason and that reason must be carried out. i will now warn you that nothing will stop me and don't you even dare to try, because if i don't SAY anything, that doesn't mean i don't SHOW anything. i will try to keep it in, i'm not merciless, ask my juniors, but if you make me explode, well then.... who knows?
bet this is like reading a dictionary to you and i hope that this will improove your english tremendously and give your english teacher some credit
i think i'm getting lazier as i age..... posting less and less often..... life is boring as per normal exept for some asshole who thinks he's big. fine, cause i'm not exactly big either. who actually cares? not me. wanna try living life all over again. but i can't restart it. guess i'll have to take it slow from now on..... anyway, larry still sucks. good luck to his poor wife. received comment from that asshole that my legs are like cow legs. better than his chopstick legs that got no shape. walking pile of bones.... watch out for the wind..... see, even i show concern for people i don't like. can't wait for him to be blown away, somehow....
yesterday sucked. my second in long jump got overtaken by someone else.... at least i got third, you may say.... but no. it doesn't work that way for me. so, killed half the day there and the other half in the water..... miss h2o..... wanna go back sometime, but i've got to curb the urge sometime. speaking of curb, i wanna ask the person how many stitches he received. the last time i remembered, i got 6 on my nose. he's should be worse, seeming that the calf was affected and all, but hey, stitches aren't that bad.... even though i still remember parts of mine where the doctor's face is and occasionally the pain..... but it'll pass in time.....
good luck to those people who are still intent on cycling and make sure you look out for them curbs though...
hihihi..... don't kill me. i know it's been ages since i've even blogged.... saddening..... like hell..... larry lee, my all time favourite teacher is currently dating francis lee [if you want to believe it, go ahead], information provided by rubecca...... kinda interesting that we teens remodel these teachers into more hilarious characters than they already are.... but i mean, if we don't do this, who will? and anyway, doing this makes life sooooo much easier for us when facing them, or else, we'll just shrivel and die..... yeah, the poetic speech, cause i'm bored, it's late at night and no daniel, i'm not in the romantic mood, i never am. i just am happy, or i just am sad. i hate sitting infront......teachers [especially bio.... urgh!!!!] like to lean, touch, rape etc my table..... goodness..... wanna change seat to further back where teachers can't see you smsing your parents during lesson time.....
next, we talk about hair. my hair = epic fail. it's not short, it's not long, and tying it up makes me look like a nigger. i now only have to adopt desmond's accent, and there you have it, an albino nigger. some wierd teacher said i dyed hair...... ken jun and i are in he same predicament, only that i plucked out my hair and showed her the hair colour was even and, therefore, natural. from this source i can conclude some teachers refuse to believe you when you are telling the truth, so therefore, it is better for you and them to tell a lie first o you don't disapoint them. really, i'm fucking pissed.
oh yes. we move on to the next predicament of mine. larry lee may have francis and francis may have larry, but that leaves all of us redundent. who do we have? we have couples, lovebirds, flirts, nerds, jocks, musicians, cleaners, roadsweepers, karang gunis, losers etc, but then again, do we have unity, as what mr rahim said? frankly, and in my sole opinion, we never had. ppl, just take a friggin step back and examine things, we're more or less made up of cliques. for those like me who rather be free roaming particles with no responsibilities or duties to the cliques, we're the lesser race majority, and that puts us into the free-roamers group, even if we are not a clique. sure, you ppl may not like this, but hey, i'm just stating the facts from what i see.... so unity?? my eye.... we're more like the forced united cliques.
spam if you will ppl, spam if you will, but fact is that i've already gotten such crap out of my system, so spam? sure. just tag with your big name if you're not a coward.
Hello all...... Super bored...... Shanghai was cold, F.Y.I, those who haven claim "insurence", please quickly claim as it's on "while stocks last" now, tyvm.... Broke my hamster's cage :[ poor pud pud..... So from bungalow, now is semi-d or mansionatte, up to you........ Cousin's wedding in 2 more days...... Oh yahs.... Happy birthday wei yang, happy birthday jeng teng...... Gonna deliver her present tomorrow..... Haha....... The candy companies all earn my moolah..... Went jogging, realised my stamina sucks..... Guess the hamster can do better than me...... Reluctant to go back to school to start a new year.... After all, this year was some what....... memorable to me, so....... ieah.......
Anyway, gonna go..... Contact me on hp if there's anything guys.....
hi guys and older geezers. gonna die soon...... wanna go library tomorrow..... buying books tomorrow too.... so to sengkang!!!! do shopping alr, then we'l say to east coast!!! and shop for his books, then we'll go home, watch pudd fly off her wheel as she 'races off at the speed of light'. yeah hilarious until she shows you her temper....
so, wondering why some ppl are just so deluded. i mean, yes, religion, but don't go overboard with it can?
yea thats all for now
