someone who had been a part of my everyday life for 3 years passed on quite recently. not that i'm glorifying him posthumously, but he was every teacher's dream student and every parent's dream child. hardworking, studious, etc. it isn't fair, the way he went. but back to the point. it was in the middle of prelim 1, and i turned up for the funeral. many others did not. i don't know if the others scored better than me. this was 1 instance when i couldn't put studies first, not when someone i know for 3 years is no more, and that may be my last chance to see him.
Paul said he was proud of me. studies does not always come first. however, up till the end, he was studying non-stop. i wonder, if he had rested instead of studied, would he had have a higher chance of recovering? paul said, "maybe, but if it were meant to be, then it is". i cried, for one, because i didn't know what to do. here was my best friend, someone 19 going on 20, telling me his experiences. telling me i am never alone. telling me i had his love and blessings. telling me to move on after every set back. telling me he loved me. but that did not solve my problem. how can people's life go on as per normal, after the loss of someone who has been a part of their daily life for 3 years? up till now, when i look at anything that reminds me of him, i feel pain. not the pain of S and J, but real pain. he is never coming back, and we can no longer be friends. paul, i'm sorry to have kept you awake the whole night. but we talked alot, and that got me to understand many things.
SYF may have ruined my prospects of getting a fully subsidised scholarship. that's alright. sometimes, you just have to settle for second best. but this time, i don't think second best will do, not unless someone else volunteers to sponsor me. the fees are still too high, and paul can't stay here any longer. ns has been tough on him, anyone can see that. but from that boy, he has become a man. and i, still a girl. we won't fit in together much longer, and i can only wait while he moves on with his life. i've got o's this year and i really don't know what to do. my heart seems to heavy to focus.
B, if you were me, maybe you'ld understand. it's not that easy to move on when your dreams for the future have been crushed. by your mistake, that's ok. but by others. people who don't know the consequence of their mistakes. my best subject is music. the door to music just slammed shut in my face. how would you feel if you were denied of your birthright? i was brought up and groomed to do that. now someone is telling me i can't because of the mistakes of others. missing cello bow, now missing violin bow. don't quite know what to say.
anyways, paul's gonna leave us quite soon. anyone wanna plan a party for him?
